all i know

is that i'm happy when i'm with him.
and i don't really know much else than that.
because we're at a crappy situation in life right now.
and we've got a lot of waiting left to do.
and we're not really sure what we are anymore.
because we like spending time together.
and making each other laugh.
but we're both at different places in life right now.
and that makes things complicated.
but you know what?
i still get a smile on my face when he texts me.
and a secret that he doesn't know is that
whenever i'm sad and i think i'm not going to make it,
i ask him to tell me a secret.
and his secrets always make me feel better.
and even though i tell him all the time.
i'm not sure that he really knows how much he does for me.
because at times when i think this all isn't for me.
he reminds me that everything happens for a reason.
and that we both need to look at the good in life.
even when that means that we still miss each other.
and that we both do things without each other.
because we hope that one day.
we'll do new things together.
and get to experience life together.
instead of life an hour and a half apart.
and soon whole countries apart.
so here's to having him in my life.
and honestly not knowing how it's going to turn out.

love, j.