happy list.

so when life and satan have got you down.

and you’re focusing more on how you still don’t know what you want to major in.

or where you want to transfer next.

and you’re just having one of those days

where the homesick is conquering everything else.

and you're wondering is it even possible for you to live more than an hour and a half away from home.

make a happy list.

and remember things like how more than anything you trust God.

because He knows that you’re a planner and that this patience thing is killing you.

and that even if it’s one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do you know that when the time is right and in His own way, the way that’s just right for you, He’ll make sure you’re on the right path.

and remember even the little things like that your sister and mom still play those silly phone games with you.

and that your mom made peanut butter balls with white chocolate chips just for you.

that he gives you a ride to class everyday because he genuinely cares about you not walking home in the dark.

and that when you’re locked out of your apartment and those boys invite you to go to walmart with them that it’s some of the best times that you’ll have all year. because it’s the little things that really matter.

and that maybe that’s one of the biggest things that you’re supposed to learn here, in this little smelly town that you’ve learned to love so so much, that it’s those little things from home that you miss and it’s those little things from here that will make these two years always have a place in your heart.

because roommates are great. and they'll listen and remind you to be your best self.

even when it's reminding you to stop being a debbie downer. and they'll laugh and make doing homework or just walking home from class a better time.

and living on your own, and seeing your money go less and less is teaching you lessons that you'll never learn anywhere else.

so when life gets you down.

take it one thing at a time.

and remember.

that God has a plan for you.

that He'll never forget you.

and that He's doing what's best for you.

and i think that just might make you feel a little bit better.

love, j.

is it my fault.

we've been missing each other?
- imagine dragons

love, j.

try.

when the goings get hard,
God has people that He
relies on, that He knows
He can trust to follow the 
Spirit to help out His
children.

"Saw this and started to think about you and how much I've already missed you this week. Love you - Dad"

i love you too dad. thank you. this was exactly what i needed.

love, j.

people care.

it's in the late night texts.
and the "how was last night?"

it's in the enormous amount of food so that i don't starve myself.
and the light on my bicycle.

it's in the hugs.
and the "i'm so happy to see you."

it's in the time that they sacrifice.
and the hot car rides with no a/c.

it's in the activity and the memories made.
and maybe even in the money spent.

it's in the fathers blessings.
and the "be a good example.
think before you speak.
and the spirit will help you remember."

it's in the temple.
and the overwhelming feeling of peace felt there.

it's in the alone time.
and the too much watched t.v. series.

it's in the "let's have lunch."
and sleepovers.

and it's in the little things all around us.
we just have to look for them.

especially on hard days like this.

love, j.

at times

i forget that at one time i knew this was where i was supposed to be.

especially when i spend my nights and mornings alone crying.
and when i have to spend my afternoons in my room
because i don't want to take time away from their alone time.

or when i turn off my light at ten thirty and turn it right back on at seven thirty.

and when i miss my home more than i ever knew i could.

but then i get those texts that couldn't come at a more perfect time.
and he's always there to listen even though he has his own life.

and my prayers are more heartfelt and pleading than they ever have been before.
and i know that He's listening and giving me the strength that i'm asking for.

it just takes time i think.
to get used to living here again.

love, j.

2012.

it means making a new folder to put my pictures in.
and that i'll turn 19 this year.

it means that i'll finish my whole first year of college.
and start my second.

and it means living with everything that i've already learned.
and learning even more.

it means saying goodbye again.
and this time hoping that it's for real.

it means that i'll continue to cry when things are hard.
and then even more for no reason at all.

it means learning to live with people when i'm homesick.
and trying to make the best out of every situation.

and it means that i get to make new goals.
and try to accomplish them better than i did last year.

here's to the new year.
and knowing that it's my choice
how it's going to turn out.

love, j.