butterflies.

love, j.

change.

sums up my life exactly.
love, j.

break the habit.

right now is full of new beginnings.
why not throw out the bad habits.
and start making better ones.

love, j.

never easy.

if there were three perfect sentences to sum up my life right now,
these would be them.

love, j.

change.

"God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, but we are not. Each day, ours is the challenge to access the power of the Atonement so that we can truly change, become more Christlike, and qualify for the gift of exaltation and live eternally with God, Jesus Christ, and our families. For these powers, privileges, and gospel gifts, thanks be to God!" - Elder Russell M. Nelson

what blessings we have.

love, j.

and.

and i finally came to the conclusion the other day 

that it's not that they leave for two years and that

we miss them more than we ever have before,

because that does happen, and that is important

to the feelings that we feel, but that it's knowing 

that things will never, ever be the same, whether

we get to be with them again or not. 

and i think that's what gets us the most.

love, j.

2012.

it means making a new folder to put my pictures in.
and that i'll turn 19 this year.

it means that i'll finish my whole first year of college.
and start my second.

and it means living with everything that i've already learned.
and learning even more.

it means saying goodbye again.
and this time hoping that it's for real.

it means that i'll continue to cry when things are hard.
and then even more for no reason at all.

it means learning to live with people when i'm homesick.
and trying to make the best out of every situation.

and it means that i get to make new goals.
and try to accomplish them better than i did last year.

here's to the new year.
and knowing that it's my choice
how it's going to turn out.

love, j.

what if?

what if it feels like your whole world is falling apart.
but you're supposed to be strong.
and keep a smile on your face.

because they expect so high of you.
but you already know you've let them down.

and you just want to be home.
so that you can cry in your own bed.
because this one still doesn't feel like your own.
and you don't have the room to yourself anymore.

what if the tears come too easily.
and you just can't hold them in anymore.

and you've never been so scared in your life.
but you've also never had such a strong testimony.

what if you started fighting again.
and now you just don't know anymore.
when before you were so sure.

and you know that right now you just need to focus on you.
and that means not worrying about three years from now.
or even about what he's doing with his life.

what if that's one of the hardest things you've ever had to do.

and
what if this is your life?

what do you do?


love, j.

exact change.

I love when people at work give me the exact change.

It's not like it makes my job any easier. The cash register does that.

I just like it.

It makes me happy. :)

Love, J.

i'm not ready to grow up.

Today while I was raging to Michael about how I'm not ready to go to the singles ward he told me that he had his interview with the bishop today for his mission.
what?
We are growing up way too fast.
I feel like it was just yesterday that I was trying to do more than say "hi" to him in history.
We've come so far from that and I'm so happy about it, it just freaks me out sometimes.
He's so much more grown up about it than I am too which kind of scares me as well but it's such a good thing. He's ready to be a missionary and serve the Lord and he'll do such a great job.
So, now that I've vented to the whole world about this, instead of crying and worrying and being the silly girl that I am, I'm going to try to only look at the positive and to be ready to move into this part of my life with a smile. :)

 p.s. Last week we wore green everyday as part of our holiday to-do list because of St. Patricks Day. It was kind of fun even if we looked silly matching. (That picture was Day #1)

love, J