and.

and i finally came to the conclusion the other day 

that it's not that they leave for two years and that

we miss them more than we ever have before,

because that does happen, and that is important

to the feelings that we feel, but that it's knowing 

that things will never, ever be the same, whether

we get to be with them again or not. 

and i think that's what gets us the most.

love, j.