april 1.

"you are going to love planning time.

you get to plan out every minute

of every day."

happy april fools day.

love, j

conversion.

"you cannot convert people beyond your own conversion." - bh. roberts

good thing i get fun letters from my

sister missionary that have just the 

right quote written on the inside of 

the envelope.

"you cannot lift another soul

until you are standing on 

higher ground than he is. you 

cannot light a fire in another 

soul unless it is burning in

 your own soul." - harold b. lee

love, j.

she knows me best.

"bring waterproof mascera. you know

i'm not a crier and i cry all the time so

just think how much you will cry :)"

she always did know me best.

love, j

minnesota is one lucky place.

guys, i have the cutest sister ever.
best sister missionary there is.

check out www.sistermollyszabo.blogspot.com
for her latest updates.

she'll make you cry and laugh in the same letter.
she's a keeper :)

can't wait to join her.
love, j.

p.s. check out how cute her clothes are. she done good :)

see you in 21 months sis.

november 2014 will be a good month :)

miss you already.

minnesota doesn't know how lucky they are.

love, j.

what a weekend.

love, j.

january 10.

today is the day.
the day i can no longer use as an excuse.
or use to make it not seem so real.
today is the day they go in.
the day my whole life is changed.
today is the day.
january tenth twenty thirteen.
and i couldn't be more excited and scared.

 via.

love, j.

the truth.

is that i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing.

sometimes i feel good and i think i can let life go as it will.

and other times i think that i just wish i could know what's going to happen.

because part of me still loves him as much as i always have if not more.

and another part of me is hurt that i'm not quite sure who he is anymore.

a really big part of me knows that i just need to go.
to learn to love to grow.

and another part of me thinks about what if.

mostly i just listen to christmas music.
mixed in with taylor swifts cd.

and i miss my best friends.
and i spend all but my sleeping hours at the library.

so although i know i'll get through this crazy time of life.
because when have i ever not made it through stronger than i used to be.

i'm just really not sure how to live life right now.

because phone calls are so so nice.
and sometimes they make things more complicated.

and there's no way that i'm putting my life on hold just because he's home.

but reminding myself of that is hard sometimes.

because i think i could be happy either way.

and i know that i could grow and learn and work no matter what.

so right now life goes different than i had planned.

but only in some ways.

because in others i'm still preparing.
and reading. and learning.

i'm just doing it with completely different thoughts running through my head.

but god has always prepared me for everything.
it's just that i'm not sure what's going to be a part of my future anymore.

love and hurt and my heart and mind wanting to do different things.
is just part of life right now i guess.

love, j.

a girl who just needs to see her mom and dad.
and her two best friends.

and for finals to be over.

today.

i'm finding out more and more that life never turns out how i expected.
or even how i planned.

there's someone watching greys anatomy on the top floor of the library.
how do they have time for that?
the rest of us are here this early because we have something called finals to take.

my sister got her mission call today.
and i'm not sure that i've ever been more excited to find out where someone is going to spend the next year and a half of their life than now.

my roommates know everything about my life.
and i've never been this open with almost anyone before.

taylor swift's album red?
been on repeat everyday for the past week of my life.

but today i realized that i'm missing this short time to listen to christmas music.
and taylor swift has a holiday album..
perfect.

but really justin beiber's christmas song, drummer boy.
awesome.
we're kind of into the rap stage at my apartment right now.

conference talks.
phone calls.
picture quotes.
putting everything into homework.
realizing that i'm a little too dramatic sometimes.
best friends.
and being just friends.

makes life a whole lot easier.
even if it is "complicated" right now.

so good luck on finals.
although i need that a lot more than any of you.

school sucks.
but is totally worth it.

happy wednesday.

love, j.

a place.

it's weird to me how one day this place was just one of the fifty states.
a place that never ever crossed my mind.
and in one day, one really really hard day,
it became this place that fills up so much of my heart.
a place that i've still never been to but that i think about all the time.
a place that i have no idea what it looks like,
a place that's weather and people and scenery is unknown to me
but yet I have such peace about.
it's so so comforting to know the heavenly father knows me personally
and knew just what to do to let me feel that peace
and to know that every little thing is going to be alright.
love, j.

endure.

pray for him.
will you?
he needs it more than ever.

love, j.

are you scared?

"if i thought we had to execute this transition relying exclusively upon our own experience and our own judgement then i would be terrified. but we will have help from heaven, because we know who is in charge and that we are not alone, then no i am not scared." - elder david a. bednar

look up.
He knows what he's doing.
even when I do not.
love, j.

blessings.

that's when i asked Him to not give me any.

but to give them all to him. 

all of them.

because as hard as this is for me.

he needs them so much more.

he's doing so much more than me.

being strong.

and doing what he wants.

and what he needs all at the same time.

sometimes i realize i don't even know him.

i only know this tiny little part of him.

but i'm grateful for that little part that i know.

because it taught me how to be selfless.

and to forgive. quickly.

quicker than i ever can.

to grab my hand when i cry.

and to brush my tears away when they come.

he taught me that life is hard.

but that we're made to do hard things.

and although there's no way i could get through life.

even one day or even one hour or one minute

without some sort of blessing from the lord.

i pray that he'll get all that he needs. 

maybe even some of mine.

because that's how much he means to me.

and how important what he's doing is.

love, j.

letters.

i forgot how easily
that one piece of paper
in that special colored envelope
can make this girl feel better.

especially when it's a whole
week earlier than expected.

love, j.

questions.

there's a lot of questions in my life.

like why has molly always been with me my first of big changes in school?

and why is jenny my room roommate now?

or how in the world did it end up that heather is even in our apartment?

and why a year ago was i here when he called?

and how did it end up so perfectly that i was by myself outside of the car?

why was i home on a tuesday and a wednesday this year?

and why did i get to spend those last days with him?

why is my life so busy busy busy right now?

and why do i wear this ring that says "be still."

but you know what?

i don't need an answer to any of them.

because i know that "coincidences are when god chooses to remain anonymous." - elder donaldson 

and that's good enough for me.

love, j.

a way of doing that.

"it's not uncommon that bad things turn into blessings.
the lord kind of has a way of doing that."

remember this from a year ago?
how could i forget that my
dad always knows the right
things to say.^^

love, j.

change.

sums up my life exactly.
love, j.

life is different.

but life is good.

it's made of feelings that i've never felt before.
of sadness and happiness all at the same time.
and of the unknown and the known.
it's little blessings and big ones.
and years spent together.
and years spent apart.
it's made of love and friendships.
and of knowing that today is the day
that changes the rest of my life.

happy halloween all.

love, j.

19.

i thought it was clear enough.

:)

love, j.

lord's time table.

via.

so you could say i'm a planner.

and that not knowing what i 

was going to do with the rest

of my life was kind of killing me.

but all He was asking for was 

patience and trust in Him.

and now i know why i just

couldn't figure out what i was

supposed to be doing with my

future.

so be thankful for the time

that He has you wait.

and then for the time that He

answers you. because it won't

be what you think. or even 

what you thought you need.

but it will be ten billion times

better. because He always

knows what's right. and He

knows what path i need to 

take. i just had to wait and

find out.

and the waiting was well worth it.

love, j.