today.

i'm finding out more and more that life never turns out how i expected.
or even how i planned.

there's someone watching greys anatomy on the top floor of the library.
how do they have time for that?
the rest of us are here this early because we have something called finals to take.

my sister got her mission call today.
and i'm not sure that i've ever been more excited to find out where someone is going to spend the next year and a half of their life than now.

my roommates know everything about my life.
and i've never been this open with almost anyone before.

taylor swift's album red?
been on repeat everyday for the past week of my life.

but today i realized that i'm missing this short time to listen to christmas music.
and taylor swift has a holiday album..
perfect.

but really justin beiber's christmas song, drummer boy.
awesome.
we're kind of into the rap stage at my apartment right now.

conference talks.
phone calls.
picture quotes.
putting everything into homework.
realizing that i'm a little too dramatic sometimes.
best friends.
and being just friends.

makes life a whole lot easier.
even if it is "complicated" right now.

so good luck on finals.
although i need that a lot more than any of you.

school sucks.
but is totally worth it.

happy wednesday.

love, j.

blessings.

that's when i asked Him to not give me any.

but to give them all to him. 

all of them.

because as hard as this is for me.

he needs them so much more.

he's doing so much more than me.

being strong.

and doing what he wants.

and what he needs all at the same time.

sometimes i realize i don't even know him.

i only know this tiny little part of him.

but i'm grateful for that little part that i know.

because it taught me how to be selfless.

and to forgive. quickly.

quicker than i ever can.

to grab my hand when i cry.

and to brush my tears away when they come.

he taught me that life is hard.

but that we're made to do hard things.

and although there's no way i could get through life.

even one day or even one hour or one minute

without some sort of blessing from the lord.

i pray that he'll get all that he needs. 

maybe even some of mine.

because that's how much he means to me.

and how important what he's doing is.

love, j.

questions.

there's a lot of questions in my life.

like why has molly always been with me my first of big changes in school?

and why is jenny my room roommate now?

or how in the world did it end up that heather is even in our apartment?

and why a year ago was i here when he called?

and how did it end up so perfectly that i was by myself outside of the car?

why was i home on a tuesday and a wednesday this year?

and why did i get to spend those last days with him?

why is my life so busy busy busy right now?

and why do i wear this ring that says "be still."

but you know what?

i don't need an answer to any of them.

because i know that "coincidences are when god chooses to remain anonymous." - elder donaldson 

and that's good enough for me.

love, j.

a way of doing that.

"it's not uncommon that bad things turn into blessings.
the lord kind of has a way of doing that."

remember this from a year ago?
how could i forget that my
dad always knows the right
things to say.^^

love, j.

life is different.

but life is good.

it's made of feelings that i've never felt before.
of sadness and happiness all at the same time.
and of the unknown and the known.
it's little blessings and big ones.
and years spent together.
and years spent apart.
it's made of love and friendships.
and of knowing that today is the day
that changes the rest of my life.

happy halloween all.

love, j.

lord's time table.

via.

so you could say i'm a planner.

and that not knowing what i 

was going to do with the rest

of my life was kind of killing me.

but all He was asking for was 

patience and trust in Him.

and now i know why i just

couldn't figure out what i was

supposed to be doing with my

future.

so be thankful for the time

that He has you wait.

and then for the time that He

answers you. because it won't

be what you think. or even 

what you thought you need.

but it will be ten billion times

better. because He always

knows what's right. and He

knows what path i need to 

take. i just had to wait and

find out.

and the waiting was well worth it.

love, j.

happy list.

so when life and satan have got you down.

and you’re focusing more on how you still don’t know what you want to major in.

or where you want to transfer next.

and you’re just having one of those days

where the homesick is conquering everything else.

and you're wondering is it even possible for you to live more than an hour and a half away from home.

make a happy list.

and remember things like how more than anything you trust God.

because He knows that you’re a planner and that this patience thing is killing you.

and that even if it’s one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do you know that when the time is right and in His own way, the way that’s just right for you, He’ll make sure you’re on the right path.

and remember even the little things like that your sister and mom still play those silly phone games with you.

and that your mom made peanut butter balls with white chocolate chips just for you.

that he gives you a ride to class everyday because he genuinely cares about you not walking home in the dark.

and that when you’re locked out of your apartment and those boys invite you to go to walmart with them that it’s some of the best times that you’ll have all year. because it’s the little things that really matter.

and that maybe that’s one of the biggest things that you’re supposed to learn here, in this little smelly town that you’ve learned to love so so much, that it’s those little things from home that you miss and it’s those little things from here that will make these two years always have a place in your heart.

because roommates are great. and they'll listen and remind you to be your best self.

even when it's reminding you to stop being a debbie downer. and they'll laugh and make doing homework or just walking home from class a better time.

and living on your own, and seeing your money go less and less is teaching you lessons that you'll never learn anywhere else.

so when life gets you down.

take it one thing at a time.

and remember.

that God has a plan for you.

that He'll never forget you.

and that He's doing what's best for you.

and i think that just might make you feel a little bit better.

love, j.

thank you.

"thank you mr. gardener for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me."

"let us pray for his love inspired correction."
love, j.

another chance.

it's one of the best gifts i've ever been given.
another chance.
every single time i need it.
because i desperately need it, everyday.

whether it's in the goals that i don't accomplish.
or the to-do list of good things that just doesn't get done.
whether it's in the complaining that i do.
and the frustration that makes me say mean words.
or in the charity that i forget i need.
and especially when i need my Savior to forgive me.
and my friends here to too.

because as hard as i try to do my best.
and to live up to everything that i know i can be.
i need that fresh start every day when i wake up.
because i'm still learning as i go too.

and i'm so grateful for that blessing.
and to know that He's never going to give up on me.

love, j.

roommates.

“In friendship ... we think we have chosen our peers. [But] in reality a few years'
difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice
of one university [over] another ... the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a
first meeting—any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there
are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work.
Christ, who said to the disciples, 'Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,' can
truly say to every group of Christian friends, 'Ye have not chosen one another but I have
chosen you for one another.' The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating …
good taste in finding one another out. [But] it is the instrument by which God reveals to
each of us the beauties of others.” - C.S. Lewis

so so blessed with my roommates this year.
we've only been here for a week and a half
and we already feel like we've known each
other forever.

that doesn't mean that it's not hard.
and that we don't hate each other sometimes.
but it means that the Lord has put us
in apartment c5 for a reason.
and we're here to figure out what all those
reasons and lessons are.

love, j.

change.

"God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, but we are not. Each day, ours is the challenge to access the power of the Atonement so that we can truly change, become more Christlike, and qualify for the gift of exaltation and live eternally with God, Jesus Christ, and our families. For these powers, privileges, and gospel gifts, thanks be to God!" - Elder Russell M. Nelson

what blessings we have.

love, j.

some days.

Sometimes it’s not that I can’t explain how I’m feeling.

It’s that I honestly have no idea what I’m feeling.

And that’s when I cry.

And I can’t understand what’s going on with me.

But it’s happened before.

And it will all work out.

As it did before.

I like to understand.

And I like to know.

And I’m working on my patience.

And absence makes me get irritated.

Always right before the return home.

I don’t know why.

But.

God has never let me cry  and not understand without letting it be for the best.

And I trust Him.

And that’s all that matters right now.

And that's why when one of your best friends takes the time to text you back.

It makes your day better.

And you know that they're still in your life because they're supposed to be.

And because they've always been a blessing.

Some days.

Aren't so bad after all.

:)

Love.

Always.

J.

AP smay-p.

Just kidding.
I say stuff like that all the time though.
Like I can rhyme or something? No.
(It probably should be left to talking and not blogging though. It's fine.)

On Wednesday I took that darn AP Calculus test.
Never been so happy to be done with something in my life.
Easily my hardest class ever.
I've never struggled with a math class so much in my life.
and it was hard for me.
It taught me something though.
That I don't have to be perfect at something to have success.
Even if I don't get a 3 or a 4 on that test,
it will be okay.
I tried. and I'll never regret that.

Goodbye AP Calc.
(Not really until the end of school. but really to all of those take home tests and stupid homework.)

I hope you all did great on your AP tests :)
They're beasts.

Love, J

today.

Today I...
1.sat through four classes.
2.did no homework.
3.listened to "Today is a Fairytale" by T. Swift possibly five hundred times.
4.picked up my prom date's tux with him. (and saw half the boys at our school also getting theirs.)
5.watched the byu game with him.
6.went for a run with him (not really i was in jeans and TOMS and it was just to the corner) and then we held hands on the walk back.:)
7.talked about the gospel with that boy and two sophomores and was surprised in a good way at their knowledge.
8.had one of those sophomores tell me about a cool spiritual experience he had with prayer.
9.and had that prom date say to me on the way home, "Jamie do you want to know something? I like you more and more everyday."
I don't think I said anything for a few minutes. I just listened to that song from number three and smiled more than I think I ever have.

Some days turn out better than I expect.:)

love, J

blessings at exactly the right time.

I just read Laura's blog. Well actually let me start from the beginning. Sometimes I have these moments where I get sad for no reason at all and it seems like nothing can make it better. I was having one of those times tonight. I don't know why and I don't know that I ever will. It might have just been a lot of little things or maybe not I'm not really sure. Anyway, I got on the computer to send an email that I was kind of peeved about and then of course somehow I made it onto my blog and then I read Laura's blog and of course I started crying. It was exactly what I needed. The Lord is so involved in my life and I love it. He sends blessings through people like Laura who have the courage to follow promptings. 
Earlier tonight I had multiple conversations about Laura because I'm a creeper and I include her in every part of my life even when she's not there. It's fine. But I realized again how grateful I am to have her as my best friend. She's there for me in everything and she taught me that "people are more important than things" and that's something that I definitely needed to learn. Best friends are great. Especially ones like Laura :)

four more days.

I've been having a hard time lately.
I've had so much to do and not enough time to do it.
I probably shouldn't even be writing this right now because I don't have the time but I just wrote a beast of an email and I think I deserve a break.
I'm not trying to complain though. I love my life. I even talked to Laur about it for three hours today. I'm going through good times and my worries are not big deals. I'm grateful for times like this when I get to strengthen myself for the hard times.
I love reading other people's blogs. People are so grateful for everything around them. It makes me happy that I have such great examples around me to remind me what a great life I have.
I'll be thankful when this week is over though. I'm running on no sleep and I don't understand math and it's frustrating and it makes me want to cry all the time.
I have some good things to look forward to this week though and I'm going to focus on them instead of on all the bad things like math class.

• the seminary assembly is on wednesday and thursday and I know it will be fabulous.

• tomorrow we're going to the voicemail concert and i'm super excited.

• I get the opportunity to go to the temple this week and I can't wait.

• I know when I read my scriptures it will be a spiritual feast.

• My sister comes home on friday and I can't wait to see her. I miss her and how she makes me laugh and how she's the best listener in the entire world.

• Michael has two basketball games this week and on Wednesday I get to go with his mom and I think Whitney and Joe are coming and they always make me happy. 

• Only four more days until I can enjoy Christmas break and get caught up on sleep and i absolutely cannot wait.

a winter wonderland

Not that I don't love the snow. I do. It's just that I hate that thought of knowing that when I walk outside I'm going to be freezing. Especially when it's that bitter cold that makes my face hurt. That's my least favorite. I was reminded something though on Monday by someone that I deeply respect, Christian Sagers, when he asked, "How are you liking this winter wonderland?" What a brilliant way to put it. Winter wonderland. I no more like being cold than I did before, but I do love the thought of being able to see that winter wonderland when I go outside. I am able to think of this season in a completely different way now just because of the name that I put on it. Sometimes I have to be reminded to have a good attitude but I sure am glad when it happens. I truly do live in a beautiful place and I'm sure glad that I have the opportunity to experience it.

Gratitude

 "We can lift ourselves and others as well when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues. Someone has said that 'gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others.' . . . "Do material possessions make us happy and grateful? Perhaps momentarily. However, those things which provide deep and lasting happiness and gratitude are the things which money cannot buy: our families, the gospel, good friends, our health, our abilities, the love we receive from those around us. Unfortunately, these are some of the things we allow our selves to take for granted. . . . "A grateful heart, then, comes through expressing gratitude to our Heavenly Father for His blessings and to those around us for all that they bring into our lives. This requires conscious effort--at least until we have truly learned and cultivated an attitude of gratitude." - President Thomas S. Monson


Yesterday morning before church I read this quote and then my Young Women's lesson was on the same talk that this quote is from. Coincidence? I don't think so. (Really I don't believe in coincidences so I guess that was a dumb question.)
Something that I need to work on in my life is not taking so many things for granted and for really realizing how many things I have to be grateful for instead of just everything that I don't have. So, for every day of November (I know that I'm a little behind so I'll catch up today) I'm going to think of at least one thing that I'm grateful for.

November 1: I get the opportunity to go to a seminary council meeting every Monday after school and even though sometimes we get a little off topic and they go a little longer than we plan and sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed, I absolutely love them. The other members and our advisers are such great examples in my life. They help remind me of what's really important in life.

November 2: Michael Wells is a blessing in my life. I know I'm a teenage girl and that brings along all types of drama with boys but he really makes me want to be a better person because of the great person that he is. 

November 3: The scriptures are a HUGE part of my life. They continue to help me with my trials everyday. They help me remember to have an eternal perspective and to focus on the things that matter the most in my life.

November 4: Scripture mastery scriptures are the best! It's so hard to memorize them sometimes but what every single one of them teaches me is incredible.

November 5: I was like a half an hour late to the dentist and I was terrified because, call me a child but, it was the first time I had ever gone without my mom. The people there were soo nice though. There are so many great people out in the world that are here to teach me how to come closer to Christ.

November 6: My mom is a blessing my life every single day. I could never thank her enough for all she does for me.

November 7: The lessons in Young Womens could not be more perfect for my life. Recently I've had physical health, self-mastery, responsibility, optimism and then of course yesterday gratitude. There are certain things in my life that I need to learn right now and these lessons are helping me put those things into action.

November 8: Family Home Evening. I love it. I love spending time with my family and learning more about the gospel from them. 

November 9: Janene Paulson, Nate Frandsen, and Stephanie Peeples are three of the greatest people I know. They have such high standards and they've already taught me soo much. They help me live the gospel in every thing that I do. 

November 10: I have so many amazing people in my life that listen to my problems. Something I definitely need to work on is being a better listener. I'm thankful for all of their examples in helping me remember how important it is to be "as eager to listen intently as [I] am to talk." - Elder David A. Bednar

November 11: Some people drop everything that they're doing to do things that I ask them to. It means a lot to me that so many people are willing to sacrifice their time to do things for me.

November 12: Seminary teachers are soo great. I have Brother Jorgensen this semester and he is so in tune with the spirit. His lesson and our conversation after class couldn't have been any more perfect for what things are going on in my life right now.


November 13: I'm so grateful to have people in my life that don't try to alter my standards. I know so many people that truly are great friends and that make it easier for me to live the gospel when I'm around them.

November 14: My Young Women leaders teach me soo much. They put so much into their lessons. I hope that if someday I'm called to be a Young Women's leader that I can follow their example and really change the girl's lives for the better that I get to work with.

November 15: Laura Cottrell is my best friend. She encourages me to be better every single day of my life. Her personality is incredible and I try to learn from her every time I'm around her. She is a blessing in my life.

baptisms.

Today I had the opportunity to go to a baptism for a girl in my ward. I don' t really know her that well but I felt like I needed to be there. I kind of thought that I was having those feelings because I needed to be there to support her but in the end, as usual, it was for me. I hadn't been to a baptism in soo long. I think the last one I went to was Laura's little sister's baptism. I forgot how strong the spirit is there. The sacredness of what's happening. I got to hear talks on the importance of what was happening and of the Savior by some of my Young Women leaders. They're amazing. We recently got a new Young Womens Presidency and it's unbelievable how much they've already changed my life. I have so many great examples around me. I'm thankful for the willingness of all of them to sacrifice for me. I'm grateful for Chelsea and her willingness and choice to get baptized. I know without a doubt that she made the right decision. I think it would be so hard to have to make that decision now. I hope that if I wouldn't have grown up in the church that I would be as strong as her. That I would make the choice to become a member of the church. I know that the gospel is true and I don't know where I would be without it. Thank you Chelsea for reminding me of the opportunity that I have to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to not take it for granted because it really does bless my life every single day.